It’s all in my head.

You’ve no idea how many times I’ve sat here staring at this New Post screen. I type a paragraph or two, then hit backspace. Or delete. Multiple times. I wander off and read other blogs. I twitter (only need to come up with 140 characters there.)  I keep up a meaningless patter on facebook.  And that’s about all I’m good for at the moment, in terms of writing anyway.

So what? Of course it doesn’t matter in the scheme of things. Except that I started a new blog, new look and all, with the anticipation of a potential new audience once this new website launches (soon, I’m told!) and the handful of articles I’ve written so far might even get read, and the odd person might just click through to see who the hell I am.

Ho hum, they’ll think.  Not much to see here.

It leaves me with the dilemma of linking through to my old blog (to prove that I’ve been a bit more prolific with my writing) but that all but defeats the purpose of a new one (except for layout, presentation, and the fact that I was never really happy with the old moniker. ) I was mainly starting afresh for the sake of a bit more anonymity for my family, and I don’t want to renege on that.  [Otherwise I’ll have my very savvy teenage daughters calling me for hypocrisy, and they’d have a very valid point.]

My only solution, I feel, is to copy over favourite posts from the past, to build up a background picture of who I am and what I like to write about. One problem with that brilliant idea was that I then sat here for hours one day, reading through three years worth of blog posts! (Well, at least I find them interesting to read back on, but “Hello! Time management issues!” ) And then, what to choose?! Arrrgh, the pressure, the pressure!

It will happen. Probably once I drop the anxiety, adopt a ‘Whatever’ approach, and go with the flow.

Meanwhile, to set the scene further,  there are a few other things going on up there in my head. It’s a bit crowded up there, actually, and my brain feels like it is not firing on all cylinders.  I’m serious! It quite honestly feels like the cogs are turning more slowly than they used to. I can’t remember stuff from day to day, I’m slower to grasp concepts than I used to pride myself on, and it’s all, frankly, a bit of a worry.

I took on this web design course, you see. While I didn’t think it would be a walk in the park, I was looking forward to the challenge of learning more about web design.

Eeep! Let’s just say, the course is more appropriate for young things with no other commitments in their lives (like cooking, shopping, and running three kids around every afternoon and most weekends)  and all the time in the world to come home and play around and experiment with what they’ve been taught. (And probably their brains are functioning better too.)

I’ve already dropped half the subjects – deciding it was still worth the money to focus on the ‘hands on’ units – and STILL I don’t have the headspace or the free time to do it justice.   As I approach the end of the semester, it’ll be a toss up as to whether I manage to even finish the assignments required to pass the units.  Or do I just write it off as a ‘kickstart’  to learning a bit more about web design/development, and then fiff and faff around with it all at my leisure the rest of the year?

And then I can switch my attention back to writing, which was my other “career path”.. interest.

I’m not making any decisions this week. Bad, bad time of the month to do so, plus we are heading away over the long weekend to watch eldest daughter play in a three-day state netball competition. Lots of thinking time in the car, at any rate.

One thing I do know – there will be more posts to come. More frequently.

Sounds like a plan.wow

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5 Comments

Filed under like, whatever, lost in procrastination, miscellaneous minutiae

5 responses to “It’s all in my head.

  1. Ha…welcome to being 40-something. But you know that already. Our minds and bodies just aren’t as agile as they were in the 20’s. however, we have a wealth of experience all those limber 20-somethings don’t. I’ll tell you like I’ve told others. It’s your blog, you should blog for yourself and if other people find it interesting, great, if not, it’s yours, not theirs and by the way, just how much are you getting paid to blog anyway? I like what you have to say, even when you whine on about netball bibs and having to get up too damn early to go riding your bike a million km before your morning coffee. Write from your heart, it’s interesting and comforting and all that.

    Did your daughter to that lovely drawing you have up there? If I sent her a pair of white canvas sneaks would she decorate me a pair? Man, she’s good.

    You and I are doppelgangers, I think. You and your constant exercise and TAFE stuff and me and my constant housecleaning and avoidance of anything remotely physical. It’s like reading into another world and I LOVE it.

  2. traceelements

    Hey Rootie. You always come good with the comment love. It’s amazing how much a thoughtful comment from across the world can lift one’s mood.
    “Chicken feed” is the answer to your question – it’s just a doorway opening (perhaps), and kind of exciting to be a part of something like it. 2009 is my year of self-reinvention, remember! Writing my submissions for that have been a HUGE learning curve. Nothing like a normal blog post, let me tell you. They want order! And flow!

    You and me are indeed two sides of a coin. You avoiding the exercise, me avoiding the housework. Love it. Mind you, I’m not doing terribly well at being addicted to exercise!
    Yes, the daughter will do shoes if you send them. I think her new myspace page about her shoes is finally allowed to be public (long story) so I can get you the link to that and you can deal with her direct!

  3. Daughter’s web site?

  4. myspace.com/mimbodesigns

    (Sorry, been away at the netball.. not home yet either.. )

  5. So been there with the deleting thing, if only I could do that with things I’ve said. Ah a delete life button, fantastic idea, you saw it here first….

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